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Friday, 30 July 2010

Laughing so hard

So I was at having dinner the wine is flowing and I'm chatting with my mother (she isn't drinking) the flies are annoying us, they come in late at night. Without saying a word I hit one on the table. We cheered and continue talking.

Then another fly goes past me, it lands near me, without thinking I strike it hard.

My mum spat her dinner out and starts laughing, the husband screams as he hit the floor and calls me a useless fucker for the side-on strike to the head. Oooops the fly was on his head!!!

Still laughing now!

Friday, 23 July 2010

Husband arrrrrggggghhhh!!!

The husband is on top form, turns out he pimped up his last company car and we just got a huge bill for bigger alloys, nicer car mats and a non standard colour FFS! Its a couple of thousand the bill, should he not of discussed commiting us to that??

So because I think he was selfish for adding such extras to his car he isnt speaking to me. As ever I'm the bad guy but that money will have to come from the families savings therefore its the families decision ?? right??

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

The trip

This morning was a tad stressful. Husband went to hair dresser and left me to pack car.... Fucking useless twat has took the roof box keys with him! When he got back gave me the keys and went to shower. "Don't worry honey I don't mind doing EVERYTHING"

Mum cried as my dad said fair well, he kissed me and the kids then left. The exclusion from the affection hurt her, I get it but she has to take some responsibility for that.

Stopped for a lush picnic... I am a domestic goddess after all and the spread even surprised me at how great it was.

Got nearly 4hours left of today's driving (or maybe a lot longer if the London traffic is bad) and the kids are already asking "are we nearly there yet?"

Considering the close confines in the back of the car with my Mum they are being really good. So proud of them.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Packed but not ready

All anyone has done today has told me to "stop frowning", I can't!

"Are you excited for your holidays" they ask, I've smiled and said I will be when Ive finished packing, its the most I cant muster at the moment.

Good news is I've managed to fix a few work based problems so at least that part of my world should not implode.

Dad is ill, in a state as he knows he has fucked up at work big style, he is grateful Ive fixed it but not coping well. There house goes up for sale on Thursday, Mum does know.

As for Mum, every day this week she has been on in tears. My brother has told her unless she admits she is a drunk he will not tolerate her any more in his life. Tough love perhaps but its not helping her. She can hardly speak without tears falling down her face and tomorrow morning from 8am she is my property for 3 weeks.

On a personal level, Ive never felt so alone in my life. But I wish I was alone for the next 3 weeks.

I keep focusing my thoughts on the time with the kids I know that's going to be amazing, it will be my everything.

While Im Away

My good friend NV is going to be posting for me. I have access to my email via my blackberry and no doubt I will be needing to get it out of my head over the next few weeks. So whilst I might no get a chance to visit your blogs, keep me posted, email me any of your posts so I don't miss out x

Thanks for being there xxxxxxxxxxx

and super big thanks to Nolens Volens for taking care of my baby in my absence x

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Im so loved

This morning my son woke me, he was singing while sat on the toilet, I lay there smiling half asleep as he murdered JLS My heart wont beat again.

I must of dozed off, I was woke by a kiss on the cheek and a big smile. He was proud of himself he had made me breakfast, a huge bowl of bran and fruit, I dont like it but today its my favourite. I eat it with his hand guiding every spoonful in, I so know I'm loved.

Monday, 12 July 2010

happy birthday


It was my youngest birthday party on Sunday, he's 7 this week. He is one of those kids everybody loves, he is funny but not cheeky, he is always laughing and making jokes, full of manners and he dances whatever he does where ever he goes.

The party was themed.... Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory... it was a success, we had chocolate fountains with marshmallow and fruit kebabs, 12 different sorts of cakes, 8 sorts of sweets, biscuits, chocolate dipped apples,chocolate milkshake in a drinks fountain... nothing sensible to eat, it was like a kids dream feast.

With the stress of the previous week I didn't get a chance to start sorting stuff out for the party until Thursday. I dropped the kids off at dance class and dashed to the shops. When I got home the husband was just back from a week away and grumbling where tea was. I foolishly felt bad and cooked for him them started baking.

I finished at around 1am and headed to bed. The next day started with a coffee and a cry. A good friend sat and held me while I let go. I felt so much better, I didn't look it when I headed to work but my heart didn't ache as much. I was there 2 hours when I got 2 calls back to back. Daughter was sick at school and mother had fallen drunk.

I sorted daughter out and went to check on mother and get birthday cake that my mother had offered to make to find than when drunk she had destroyed it. I was devastated but not to be defeated.


After dance classes Friday I worked late making biscuits and more treats for the guests. I got up early and was at Costco for it opening grabbed the last of what I needed and returned home to do more dance class Taxis! Thankfully while sat watching my children dance from the comfort of my car I received a phone call, Dutch, the call made me smile, it put a bounce back into my step. He called again a little later, we talked so easily, we discussed the possibilities of meeting again when I return from holiday.

I had left a list of what was needed to be taken to my parents house for the husband and when I returned nothing was done, well he had 're prioritised' to quote him. He thought sorting the garage out was more urgent than a party for our son.

As you can imagine the rest of my night was spent driving food and play stuff to my parents house (which was where the party was).

I was at my parents for breakfast with both kids, the husband was to follow on once ready. He arrived at 12.15 (party starts 1pm) I had managed without but I was so angry. When he arrived he had forgotten the pump for the inflatables and he had to go back for it. He got back after the first guests arrived.

I was face painting the kids as the arrived, Dad was setting stuff up for me and Mum was staying sober and helping with the food.

I asked him to sort drinks out for the adults that were staying, he tended to the first guests and then he got him and his mates some cans of lager and sat down. I wish he hadn't been there. I would of rather been annoyed at his absence than seen him sat being ignorant.

We played games for nearly 4 hours, stopping only for sweets and chocolates. Id lost my voice from shouting, my feet black from running in the grass, my face aching from laughing and smiling with the kids.


The party was amazing, this morning parents stopped me to say their kids thought it had been the best ever party. My son says I'm the best Mum in the world but I think that was down to him getting an IPod from me!

At least I can see I won yesterday, I enjoyed my day regardless. I often worry if I leave him what will I do, I have been with him over half my life, my entire adulthood, the answer is just as I do now, I see that, I just need to believe it a little more.