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Thursday, 24 November 2011

4th day of Mum being drunk, so tired of it all but now my brother after only 1 week of 'I will fix this as your failing' has washed his hands of it.

Their house has sold and looks like they will be out before Xmas which is great news for Dads sanity and health but I fear it means I'm going to have Mum to deal with, try and buy her a house and sort the moving. She's refusing to even look at the moment, adamant she will be dead so no house will be needed.

I'm at YSL's place, he will be home shortly, I can't face talking about all this, it's eaten my week already and we only have an hour or so together. I so need to be held.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Never rains but it pours

The weekend was as bad as I expected. Brother was aggressive, argumentative and plain rude at every opportunity, right down to physically threatening.

Mum took the opportunity of an audience and played the part of devoted wife, reformed drinker and mother of the year. Brother left on Sunday and she dropped the act and went on the attack.

Monday morning she launched a scathing attack on Dad in front of the kids as they ate breakfast. Son was too engrossed in tv but daughter was quick to share her concerns when she walked in from school, curious as to why Gran was calling him such horrid names and if she would really kill him!

An hour later Mum is at doctors and that was when she went off radar. She was meant to be back for lunch and she didn't show, a few more hours pass and we're getting worried. As it got dark we notified the Police and I had the task of telling my brother.

No sooner had I sent the text she staggers through the door, to drunk to speak. I text brother back to say she was ok. His only reply was "I hate my family" such wonderful support.

I went round to mum and dads this morning to make it clear what ever is happening between them must not be aired in front of the kids or they will not be allowed over. I ask what happened yesterday but she denied being drunk but had a go for telling brother. I tell her I don't believe her and if she needs help I'm there for her but if she keeps drinking I'm walking away.

I leave and head to work satisfied I'd said my piece. Then I got the call, Brother, Mums drunk and can't find her way home, she's on a train or at a station. He berates me on the phone saying ive abandoned my mum, that what she needs is people around her that care. He tells me he has spoken to recovered alcoholics and what I'm doing is wrong and hurting her more adding to the problem. I bite and try to reply, I don't know why I bother, he does his usual thing and tells me not to attack him or be do defensive!!! He won't listen so after him telling me it will be my fault she's dead I hang up.

I walk out of my clients and drive to find her. I guessed right as I saw her stagger over the road. It even recognising my car as she nearly falls onto it.

I tell her to get in and she can't even operate the seatbelt.

She sees my dad and tries to open the car door as we are moving so drive on and I take her to my house and try to talk sense in to her and get her sober but she goes on the attack. She tells me Dads leaving her because of me, my influence over him and that he is trying to cover up a financial problem. I ask her do you think your drinking has anything to do with it? She says no, she only drink because of it.

The afternoon was full of accusation, I've listened and tried to calmly explain her misunderstandings. It was so hard not to scream at her.

She decides she's ready to go home and on the way tells me that next time she will throw herself under the train. My brain screamed "which station doing you want dropping at?" but I know I could live to regret such flippant words.

I'm so tired and emotionally drained, the tears keep appearing and I swallow them back. I do needed a friend today but know I have no one until Thursday I can talk to and that time will be too precious to ruin with tears.

Sunday, 6 November 2011


Sorry haven't posted over here in a while, been busy with work, family and falling in love.

Rest assured life is still mad, mother has ran away to other side of the world, this week Dad was burgled, hubby's car was broken in to and I found a lump.

Business as usual!

Off to hospital tomorrow for a biopsy, I'm sure it's nothing but still hard not to worry. The appointment was origionally last week but I had to move it. The night before the origional appointment YSL (my lover) messaged me telling me he would be thinking of me, letting me know he cares, hubby hasn't even asked how I got on and it's driving me mad that something that could be serious doesn't even concern him enough to check am I ok.

I've been there with a couple of my friends to do the hand holding and distracting while waiting for these appointments and whilst they know I'm there tomorrow there's no offer of a hand to hold from anyone.

My frustration isn't due to the gravity of the appointment, I've delt with greater problems and I'm not going to worry until there is something to worry about. It's down to how one way my relationships seem to be, me supporting them but no support or care reciprocated.

I asked a friend why once before and she said I always seem to cope so well and not seem bothered by stuff. Perhaps I put too much of a happy front on as today i feel like crumbling into a heap but I doubt anyone would guess.

Thankfully one person cares and does more than his fair share of being there for me these days.