the lover has gone, 3 weeks until I see him again, not too bad considering the last few times its been 7 weeks.
It's been such a wonderful few days but the aftermath is such a head fuck. It's like waking from a perfect dream and the finding out lifes still as crap as when you fell asleep. the hardest part is the contrast, the husband arrives home tonight and I bet he doesnt touch me for days. he never does. Beyond speaking about household things, nagging that I havent done something or complaints about the children I doubt a conversation will pass between us. So to go from being adored to being invisable is a hard journey to make in a day.
I never noticed it happen over the years as it was a slow and slight process but its so stark and hurtful in 24hrs.
I was glad he was away last night as my heart ached too much to be in the same room as him anyway. I plowed myself into domestic duties and motherhood doing homework, washing and sewing ribbons on my daughters new ballet shoes. My son sneaked in my bed and was a treasure to discover when I went to bed tired. As I climbed in he snuggled up and reached for my hand, it was just what I needed.
The husband goes away for the weekend with the lads tomorrow, I hope he enjoys the weekend with her. Im off dancing!
