My Mum asked me while we were away, "when do you think he will notice you have gone" I shrugged my shoulders, she replied for me, "well I think you left a few months a go, you just haven't changed your address".
Been back a 5 days now and other than perfunctory conversation barked at me and I must confess to barking any reply back but I'm so frustrated with where we are. I hate to feel so alone and isolated when in the room with someone who is supposed to love me.
His voice when I was away sounded full of promise, he sounded like he really missed me, I think I kidded myself that maybe he was going to make an effort. But no, sadly all I did was increase the height my heart had to fall.
I was so cold last night lay shivering, I've been feeling the cold since back off hol's, I told him and he suggested PJ's and turn the other way. I give up!
At least when we part I can say hand on heart I did try. I've tried so hard for the past 3 years, it should hurt this much, it shouldnt be this hard to been seen or heard. In some respects I wish I didn't love him as much, but its so hard when I have spent over half my life with him to just turn a page. Yet at times I feel like he already did, he just doesn't want to let me go,
I'm like a toy that he has finished playing with but doesn't want anyone else to touch and I so need to be touched, held and loved. It's who I am.
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