Marriage counselling

Nearly fell off seat with fright when I got the phone call.

For those that are new to the blog you need a catch up..

For the last 4 years or so I've been invisible at home. The husband seemed to withhold any affection or attention and it got worse.

September 2009 I had enough. After years of begging for sex or any other intimacy I gave up. I sat down and told him, I said I'd gone past the point of no return. I told him would never ask any more from him.

A few weeks if tear, him accusing me of not doing enough in the house. (he was out of work and I had 3 jobs, I thought it fair he did the housework)
He asked for me to give it till Xmas, he would change, he would make an effort.

I said find but I thought we needed to see a marriage councillor to resolve the issues. I can't talk to him when he is angry. I find myself shutting up and closing down to avoid the confrontation. In 2007 he totally lost has temper when I told him he was withholding affection and he ended up smashing stuff up.

In the January nothing had changed, I told him either sort a sex or marriage councillor or the marriage is over.

Nothing happened

In April he asked me for sex, it had been nearly 2 years since we had last had sex. I turned to him and said sorry no. He went mad, he said all I've complained about is him not asking for sex and now he is what was I playing at.

I tried to explain but he cut over me, your just trying to hurt me. I said no I'm not but maybe you should consider that in 21years I've never turned you down until today and you say it hurts, you've done it for years. My reasons are good, to cope with the rejection year after year I have changed my expectations of our relationship, they do not include sex anymore. I did this to stop my marriage being a daily disappointment, it's kept me here coping.

He promises to sort out a councillor.

As ever nothing happened.

But then the phone rang last week. It was the councillor to book the appointment??? I was totally thrown.

She asked if we could attend an appointment on the 22nd dec, I laughed and asked is that seriously a good idea to lift the lid on someones marriage 2 days before Christmas!! She agreed and offered dates in January.

I think the trigger to him sorting out the appointment is since about a month ago he was drunk and half asleep and tried to force himself on me.

I pushed him off yelling at him to stop. The next day he said he could remember. I told him how hurtful it is that have him do that, that his only sexual approach is not a sober or consensual one for either party.

So mind is full of worry, I know this is going to be an emotionally draining time. I'm already at odds with what I want to achieve from the counselling. I've spent so long keeping my head down and coping I can't hardly remember what I really want.


Merry Christmas my blog friends. Thank you so much for being here with me this year, your comments and at time support has been so gratefully received. I hope you get all you wish for and much more.

I'm sure I will be back between Christmas and new year as I have my mother coming on Christmas day and then off to the in laws for a few days so I will keep you posted!!