Mum has returned from staying at my brothers, 5 days of his tough love seems to of been enough He never let her out his sight so so was clammering to get home o 'fix' things (AKA drink). Saying that she seems to of stayed sober so far. She has come back aggressive and angry with dad, she thinks its all his problem, he s driving her to drink. She has to my brother that dad is beating her and he is a fool and believing her. He doesn't see how far she is prepared to lie to cover the drinking.
The marriage counselling still hasn't been sorted the husband is delaying I think. I want it ASAP but I need him to book it, i need him to take some responsibility for it otherwise it is pointless.
The ex lover seems to of forgotten that it was him that hurt me, we had split but he seems to think that I have ruined us by having sex with Jack. I have broke his heart, broke our chances, I was a fool for a few days thinking I had then got a grip and now feel so much more positive about myself again.
I met with an old friend this week (read the naughty side of it on my other blog) I was so worried meeting him and was partially relieved we didn't end up in bed as I was concerned he expected me to be so much more than I am He reads the blog and he myself in a panic thinking he would be disappointed by me in reality. I brought this up with the therapist (in a cloths on moment) he said I was worthy of the higher opinion, it ade me smile... but I still worry!
I'm so missing intimacy, I'm missing being and feeling loved. I can really feel the gap HE left in my life and I still miss HIM so much.
2 comments:
Your last paragraph strikes such a chord. It's me, it's what I feel, it's what I want. Our recorded life on these blogs shows how far we are prepared to go to find it. it's still not there xx
I had someone like that in my life before I met my wife. It wasn't easy for me to let go and move on.
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