this morning was number 2, I wasn't ready for it.
Its been a long weekend, loads of relative stay, I had 20 for tea on Saturday so in between 5 hours of dance classes and being taxis I cooked up a feast and prepared treats for the kids.
The husband was an arse and thats me being calm. He did his usual of confusing me with hired help in front of guests!
Anyway got to counselling and she ask so what were your thoughts and discussion after last week session. the husband babbles for a good 5 minutes about how positive he
feels and that it really help him.
She turns to me... I'm like a rabbit in head lights. I have know idea how I feel.. I'm numb. I blurt we haven't spoken about it, its been like an elephant in the room. Ive brought it up twice and both times it was ignored or 'not heard' as later pointed out by the ass sitting next to me.
The session then 'felt' like it focused on me not willing to have sex and despite my attempts to point out I'm not having sex because for years he refused and ridiculed me its all about me not being willing to move forward. Now I'm not so blinkered that I don't see that I do hold the key to this part, but it felt like nobody thought I had a good reason not to turn it.
I tell them I cant just turn it back on. I ask hubby for nearly 4 years I battled to have sex and begged and pleaded and you said you couldn't for many reasons.. I have only one reason and that's because after years of let down and disappointment I switch that expectation off in our relationship, Can you understand any of that? he shrugs and says he is ready now, I turn away and say I'm not, its gone.
Next session is in 2 weeks as I'm in hospital next week for that bloody wisdom tooth being taken out!
2 comments:
I agree when you turn that part of yourself/relationship off, you just can't turn it back on.
I refused to beg for it too. Keep your head up and keep being honest to him and yourself no matter what.
PY
He sounds like he's in his own world. I do hope that maybe with more counseling he may step out of it.
Perhaps you should reschedule your next appointment until you're better from the tooth surgery. You definitely need to be strong to go through these sessions.
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