Marriage Counselling sesson #1

it was so much harder that I thought it would be.

When we got there we had to fill in a questionnaire each so she could understand what we both wanted from the sessions. I ticked many boxes:

to resolve issues
to retain the relationship
to improve communication
to keep family together

now for those of you without the ability to read upside down and round corners, aka men, I looked at what the Hubby wrote... he ticked:

to have more sex

I nearly choked!

Holding the laugh inside we started to talk, she ask the husband first 'so whats the problem?' he begins to explain we haven't had sex for nearly 2 years and that it was becoming an unbearable frustration, that he longed to have me but I recoil at his touch. He continues talking and I'm waiting for him to explain that for the 4 year previous that he refused to have sex with me, turned me down so often, I had to beg for it and when I got it it was nothing more that a posh wank for him and no effort to please me... I wait... I wait... nothing

She turns to me and asks how I feel about what the husbands just explained.

I clear throat and breathe deep... trying to swallow the words that are currently queued up in my mouth as I know it wont be constructive.

I take her back another 4 years and explain the years of changing excuses, I'm too tired, too stress, don't like condoms...

I explain what I did to try and entice him, I hate that the tears built up in my eyes, I think it was more anger, verbalising all my effort and let downs was so hard.

I explain that about 2 years ago I told him I would never ask for sex or intimacy ever again and that is why we haven't had sex and that Hubby wanting it now was too little too late.

The counsellor crossed out the earlier notes clearly thinking it had been a simple lack of sex drive post babies for me.

She asks hubby did he understand that not having sex for so long and the let downs may of drove me as a protection to myself to not want or expect sex from the relationship.... he replies......... "I don't blame her totally for this"

If you had seen the counsellors body language, it was priceless, she shot back at him, why do you feel she is at all to blame?

"I've been trying, just this last week Ive tried to kiss her and offered to wash her back, she said she would rather have her boots cleaned"

she look puzzled and I chirp up pointing at my knee high riding boots "don't they look good though and this will last all week where as the back rub would of been over in seconds" she starts laughing uncontrollably at my ironic sense of humour.

I turned to hubby and say " this last week you have made more effort, the closer we have got to the appointment the more you have tried to touch me but you have to understand how that makes me feel, it was like you were point scoring for this meeting, so you have some 'well I tried' moments, it wasnt because you wanted to or it felt right so it came accross as contrived and wrong"

She went on to ask how I feel about having sex with the hubby. I explained that the thought almost makes me feel ill, Ive spent years not expecting sex from the relationship to avoid the hurt and cant just swap back.

She asks him why he never wanted to have sex and started with the excuses, I chirp up and explain what i did to answer each excuse, the relaxing weekend away, that I even got the coil fitted so he didn't have to wear a condom. She asks him is there any reasons. He snaps I haven't had sex with anyone else if that's what you think... it wasn't but it is now is what went in my head.

So we are back again next week to talk about the positives of our relationship... that should be a short session.