FFS

Spent the weekend avoiding being touched by him which is foolish as he never does. I just want to gain the moral high ground. I want him to of failed, I want him to be the one that didnt make the effort not that I turned him down after all this time.

I last saw my lover on Thursday and other than the children no one else has touched me, I doubt he has even spoken to me directly other than for a function.... is tea ready... whos picking up the kids....

In my head Ive packed and left him. Its purely geography that says Im married to me. Im more lonely in the bed with him there than when he is away.

It silly really as at work im so decisive, very to the point and demanding. At home theses days i hide, i do anything for the quiet life. It was horrid in September when i told him it was over, we had weeks of long drawn out discussions that went round in circles.

For years I have begged for his attention but now I've gone past the point of no return. Now i dont want him to touch.

We've had so many big discussions on this subject when ever ive brought it up he tells me he is tired, stressed and not feeling attractive?? for 3 years! yet he has changed jobs, lost weight and get more sleep than a bear in hibernation.

His come back is that I dont do enough, I dont clean the house enough... if you knew me you would laugh, we have such a clean house, we have such cared for children, in addition to me running multiple businesses and coping with an alcoholic mother I dedicate myself to the children and previously my marriage.

In september it made me laugh so much when he said for the last 6 months I hadnt contributed to the housework as much as I should. When I reminded him that I was doing 2 full time jobs at director level, working 7 days a week and 14hr days and he was unemployed he said that was unfair to use as an excuse!!! go figure? I was bringing in the money and not complaining that he was doing nothing, just supporting him, helping him. Writting job applications for him and draft versions of his CV, it seems I cant do right for doing wrong.