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Sunday, 14 August 2011

The last therapy session and some other stuff

It was awful, I was foolish to think that I might have got him to see some sense over the past few days.

The therapist asks how weve got on, "fine apart from she hasnt told me whats gone on in the last 2 sessions" he says, im shocked because we had and because he is making it sound like he was excluded not that he couldnt be arsed!

I politely point out I had, "remember I told you we had discussed the condom situtation" He then launches into t yes you had to drag it up again. "Im sick of hearing about it, Ive said I havent but thats not enough is it". I explain again like i had last week, I want to have a calm adult conversation about it, I wanted to include it into our relationship if we needed to.

"i think its more than fair to ask for reassurance and understanding of our relationship" I say confidently "however all you did was go on the attack and tell me all my short comings and how your family and friends dislike me and that my friends dont like me" He smiles and replies "I thought it was an appropriate time to get things off my chest and whilst the truth hurts you needed to hear it".

Im agast and the tears are pouring down my face by now, upset and anger mixed together. He goes off explaining to the therapist all my short comings, I just sit and listen, I wait until the moment is right and try and explain how out of context what he is saying. I dont need too, she already knows it and when he has finished she pionts out the obvious. I was right to of asked him, he was wrong to attack me and to persist over a week after. His main gripe is that I undermine and he said "bully" others. She tactfully points out that what he is doing could be seen as being a bully. That he was stiffling any honesty between us.

SHe asks how I feel, im crying so much, I cant believe what things he has said about me, i tell them both I feel that I wish i had never bothered, that in future Id rather suffer in silence than go through this. I sit up straight in my chair wipe the tears and say to him "the next time a light joke about your DIY hurts you in front of your friends consider how I felt the day you asked me to come and pick you up from town at 2am I was parked up and you snogging a woman in front your friends, you got in the car and joked about her being better than me, that hurts". He says "that was over a year ago now", "exactly the joke to your friend was 4years ago".

At this point you can see the therapist thinking she was ill equiped or trained to defuse the bomb.she rounded up the session and suggested we book more sessions.

We head to the car and he asks for a hug. "AT this moment I dont ven want you to touch me" I reply.

I drop him home and head out to the beach, I cant face the PA and my Dad that were already at the house. I sit on the beach trying to stop the tears, evntually I just give in to them and let them out.

Nothing much else has been said since then, he has booked more session but with a different therapist which I think means he doesnt like what this one has to say.

The week didnt improve much either, the PA resigned, I had to get the police out to deal with my car being blocked in and damaged by some charver idiots. My mother is being her usual manipulating self, Dad is ill with all the stress.

Thank goodness I have 2 amazing children that make me smile everyday (and a lover).