Search This Blog

Monday, 18 June 2012

A tad stressed and in need of a hug

Its been a while since Ive posted on here, not because I havent had stuff to write about but just had so much great stuff to put down Ive focused on all that.

The past couple of weeks have been hard. it started with being copied into a load of emails from my Mother to my Father, She wasnt aware he was abroad for a few days working and I was fending any urgent messages. The messages came in thick and fast, all very cruel and hurtful, trying to make out me and my brother didnt love him and inferred lots of untruths.

I jumped in the care and headed over, as I rang the door bell I knee to expect a drunk woman but instead nothing. no answer. I call her phone and hear the voicemail kick in and I can hear her shuffling in the hall way. I knock again and she continues to ignore. Frustrated and not sure what to do next I retire to my car to calm down and make a plan. More messages come through confirming she is in the house as its the only way she can access e-mail. I head back and knock again she ignores me and I wait for about 5mins and I catch her at the window trying to see if ive gone. Knowing the game was up she opened the door and slurred that she was alone and frightened to open the door.

I accussed her of being drunk and explain Im getting the messages, telling her to stop it. She wont listen and I can't rationalise with her in that state so I leave.

The next day she denies all knowledge and say she never opened the door because she never heard that or the phone as the electric was off. The lies continued to mount up. Mofre message are sent to Dad, this time about me and how Im being abusive to her and making out she is drunk.

Nothing is said for days, it was here birthday and the kids wanted her over for a party they had been planning, I bit my lip and made it clear she was only there so as not to upset the children. She took advantage trying to score visable caring points with an audience that ended with me having to get my dad to take her home early when she thought she would ask me to give her a birthday cuddle because the children where there.

2 weeks later after many emails from her trying to explain her behaviour with more layers of lies I go round to see her. Still unable to be truthful I make it clear that in order for us to have any relationship moving forward from now she must deal with her alcoholism. "I am" she says. when I enquired how the first answer was that Ive stopped drinking, "drink is no longer part of my life" I explain how I dont believe her that we've been down this road before and we know it doesnt work. Then she says shes been back to AA "how many times?" I ask, last week was the responce. I explan that its not enough but if she does start to make an effort I will be there to support her and we can look to rebuild a friendship, she just needs to keep me posted of what she is doing.

10days later I get a text "are we friends" im baffled and i know my dad and daughter have been to see her so I calll him to ask what its about, before I even get to speak with him there are 3 more texts in demanding to know if I am her friend or not. Turns out she interrogated the daughter and ask her about fathers day plans, Mum thinks she is being excluded from a family get together when in truth we arent doing one. Dad explains he has had a load of texts saying him and daughter are liers and mum had asked him if I was her friend or not, he had explained that as far as he was aware things were still unresloved and she should ask me.
My next message before I had replied to her was saying "Dad says you do not wish to be my daughter" then an email arrives with a fairwell message, I wont ever speak to you again as you dont want me there is no point blah blah blah.

I pick up the phone and try to resolve things, she immediately starts calling us all liers. "this isn't the way to build a relationship Mum" but she doesn't listen and continues to accuse us all of abandoning her and being deceitful. I try one last time to explain that she isn't being left out its just not happening so she starts calling me a bad daughter and saying she cant understand why i would let my dad down so badly.

I had to end the call as it was getting me so mad, one minute she would start talking about a nice thing then she would start crying and shouting at me.The emails and text continued throughout the night, I was hosting a dinner party for a few friends and in between courses I was in the bathroom holding back the tears trying to get a grip. The husband doing nothing but put me down and make light jokes at my frowny face despite hearing the early calls and being aware of the text messages.

I switch my phone off until Sunday morning a wake to even more messages via email and facebook, all insisting I was a lier. I send back an email making it clear that this has to stop, her behaviour wont be tolerated and I will no longer communicate with her at all unless seeks help.

No replies come until the evening and she forwards a spam funny, I reply with a curt "not interested, you haven't even acknowledged your ridiculous behaviour last night"

A one liner then appears "I'm Sorry" but its not enough, I need her to take responsibly for herself.

So today I'm ill, tonsillitis has struck again and I'm quite sure all this stress is what has me ill. Im so grateful of the care I have from YSL, soup and a shoulder to cry on has been given, along with warm cuddles.