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Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Real heros

Two planes landed in England yesterday .... One carrying a group of overpaid,
underachieving prima-donna footballers .... the other carrying seven coffins
draped in The Union Jack Flag. Hero is a much over used word these
days, but I know where my priorities lie even if the press don't. RIP lads and thanks for protecting me and mine

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Keeping a friend smiling

I'm the kind of friend that likes to be there for people when they need it. Not to over crowd them with sympathy or pity but to give them what they need when they need it.

My oldest friend found out she has breast cancer just last week, next week they are doing her mastectomy. Obviously Ive offered to be there if she needs a shoulder to cry on BUT i know she is surrounded by family that is there fore that. She lost her brother to cancer when we were little so the family are supportive but a tad depressing in my opinion.

SO! my job is the cheerer upper. Last night I had her over with some friends for a BBQ and a fair well to the old tits party. She loved it. We had a giggle we have a good feel of her old boobies and plan to have another party to welcome the new falsies in 2 months.

She has a tough few weeks ahead and I plan to make her laugh and keep her smiling as best I can. I'm sure we will shed some tears along the way but I hope its from laughing too much.

Love you to bits babe... keep your chin up and don't gloat when your boobs are more pert than mine!

Sunday, 20 June 2010

an important man in my life

He is a special guy, I don't know what I would do without him. He loves me regardless, he forgives me whatever, he helps me when I need him, he does it without question or trade. He is my Dad.

He turns a blind eye when its needed and he touches my hand to let me know everything is ok without saying a word.

I have looked up to him all my life, he seemed ten foot tall when I was little. These days he seems taller... I know I mean the world to him, everything is mutual

Happy fathers day xx

Sunday, 13 June 2010

domestic goddess but oh so invisible

The in laws were coming up and to be honest I had visitor fatigue before they even got here. The husband has been preparing lists all week. The good weather food list, the bad weather food list, the drinks list... well you get my point I'm sure.

Daft thing is he doesn't do the food I do so not only is the list boring me and finding it condescending and irritating. So I do what us wives do best and totally ignore him.

I'm told that the guests will arrive about 2ish, ballet for the son is 2.15 for an hour but I've prepared a seafood platter, laden with fresh crab and prawns, some chilled prosecco and a pepper and tomato salsa id spent all morning making. I return from ballet and no guests. The next class starts at 4.15, when we leave for that there is still no guests, no phone calls and as far as I can see no manners!!

5.30 and I'm back with the daughter, the BBQ that was lit at 4.30 is now wasted and will need restocking, the fish platter is now overkill as all they need is one meal if they ever turn up.

6pm they finally turn up, it seems they decided to go to the hotel and have a swim and a nap as they thought we might be busy!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes waiting for them!!

The food went down a storm, the beer was flowing and they all went to watch the England game, I was just sitting down to eat and was left alone. My daughter came and sat with me and she said it made her feel a little bit sad that nobody waited for me and nobody stayed with me... me too.

The husband drank too much watching the match and got obnoxious and rude. I was on the receiving end and subjected to being humiliated in front of his family. It really hurt. I went so far out of my way to put on a spread that impressed them, I entertained everyone, I kept the drinks topped up, I took the little ones out the way and played with them so they could enjoy the football.

When everyone had gone I was tidying up with him, I turned around and he was gone. he had gone to bed. not word to me of appreciation, not even a comment of sorry I'm tired I have to go.

I really feel invisible today.

Thursday, 10 June 2010

what a roller coaster of life

I haven't had a chance to do the post on my other blog as yet but had a really intense session with the therapist (for those not following he is not doing normal therapy... we got naughty together) I had abstained for 10 days so I was pent up and aching when I arrived. I have had a tough few weeks and its hard to keep it all hidden. Towards the end of our session I was so aroused and thoughts of HIM entered my mind, I was blindfolded and with ear plugs in and my face also masked in with gauze so I could switch off and be anywhere. I started to build to a climax, I could tell it was going to be intense but as I came a sudden sense and realisation of not being loved came over me. As I came I burst into tears. I lay there tied up, shuddering from one the most intense orgasms and crying. I felt so silly. It was a response I had no control over it just happened.

Then today, as already posted over on the other blog I had a horrid experience with a jerk, I fled shaking, I could hardly drive for the panic. When I got on the main road the tears started to trickle down my face. Why as such a bright person did I get into that mess???

on the up side....Son won a tennis tournament, daughter passed her bike ability exams

then it was down again....then daughter took ill and threw up all over dance studio.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

rewarding day

just spent the day doing my volunter work and feel happy I made a difference to 12 youths with life challenges. It makes you feel taller as you leave, it makes your heart swell as you see them see a new direction and life possibilities. We did an excercise and I got them the write on the flip chart what assumtions they had made about me in the first hour of meeting me. I made me smile so much I thought I would take a picture and share it.

Monday, 7 June 2010

life update

Mum has returned from staying at my brothers, 5 days of his tough love seems to of been enough He never let her out his sight so so was clammering to get home o 'fix' things (AKA drink). Saying that she seems to of stayed sober so far. She has come back aggressive and angry with dad, she thinks its all his problem, he s driving her to drink. She has to my brother that dad is beating her and he is a fool and believing her. He doesn't see how far she is prepared to lie to cover the drinking.

The marriage counselling still hasn't been sorted the husband is delaying I think. I want it ASAP but I need him to book it, i need him to take some responsibility for it otherwise it is pointless.

The ex lover seems to of forgotten that it was him that hurt me, we had split but he seems to think that I have ruined us by having sex with Jack. I have broke his heart, broke our chances, I was a fool for a few days thinking I had then got a grip and now feel so much more positive about myself again.

I met with an old friend this week (read the naughty side of it on my other blog) I was so worried meeting him and was partially relieved we didn't end up in bed as I was concerned he expected me to be so much more than I am He reads the blog and he myself in a panic thinking he would be disappointed by me in reality. I brought this up with the therapist (in a cloths on moment) he said I was worthy of the higher opinion, it ade me smile... but I still worry!

I'm so missing intimacy, I'm missing being and feeling loved. I can really feel the gap HE left in my life and I still miss HIM so much.

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

HUGE apologies

I have just had it brought to my attention that I had disabled comments!! daft me was thinking why does nobody comment on this blog, I get the odd email but when I first started out you guys were so helpful with your comments. So BIG apologies for gagging you and comment away please and let me know I'm not here on my own x